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Thursday, February 10, 2011

UFC 126's Heartbreaking Recap... This is why I don't gamble

Well I am pleased to announce that as of today, "Ruined" is still in the running for publication. Or, rather, I should put it this way: It has not been rejected yet. I can't say whether that's because it made it through the first round or because they haven't even gotten to it yet. But the fact remains: It hasn't gotten shut down yet. Woo! I'll find out for sure on March 31 whether or not it will get published. I am fully prepared for the big N-O. The "we appreciate your submission, unfortunately". The oh-so-polite "your shit aint good enough". But hey. Some of those stories gotta get published. Why can't one of them be my baby?

Alright. So. I don't know if you know this, but my boys pretty much...completely let me down in UFC 126. Fortunately, I totally forgot to put money down on it. I was going to place the bet as we made our way to Rock N Rita's to watch the fights, but I was busy returning multiple dirty looks that I was receiving as we walked through Circus Circus. It's a short dress, people. Put your eyes back in your head and look around. This is Vegas. I may as well have worn a habit and rosary compared to other outfits I saw prancing along the Strip. But noooo. Walk around in the one family-oriented hotel in Las Vegas in a short dress (and I assure you...It was not low-cut, transparent, ridiculously was just on the shorter side) and all of a sudden you're right up there with Delilah and Mary Magdalene. Take a breath. Your kids can walk down the Strip and get handed baseball cards of naked women and the toll-free number to call to get them delivered "direct to you". My dress is nothing in comparison...

Anyhoo. The prelims went very well. Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone won his debut fight in the UFC. He's been a fast-rising name in WEC and now that he's a UFC fighter, I look forward to more interesting fights for him. Stoked that he won, though. That was really the only prelim fight I was interested in. Then the main card fights started. Miguel Angel Torres won his fight. If there was a Boring Fight of the Night, he would have one it. This was, again, a UFC debut for him and it was...D-U-L-L. He used his orangutan-length arms to keep his man at distance to prevent any major damange with his left and basically just used a right jab to get the victory after three rounds. *Yawn* Jake Ellenberger won by the skin of his teeth in a split-decision. It really could have gone either way. Again, a really "meh" kind of fight.

Ryan Bader... Ohhh Ryan. I guess you didn't get my "Gemini's gotta stick together" memo. Granted, Jonny Jones is one kuh-razy fighter. The man has an 84 1/2 inch reach. That's insane. He could probably wrap his arms twice around me and still have enough slack to box successfull. In any case, he choked Bader out. I believe it was a guillotine. So sad when I saw that hand go tap-tap-tap. Bader's no longer undefeated. :( The exciting thing... Joe Rogan announced that, due to an injury that forced Rashad Evans to step down from his upcoming championship fight against Shogun, Jones would get a shot at the belt!!!!! This fight will take place in March in Newark! So wish I could go. UFC and New Jersey?? Could life get any better?

Franklin and Griffin. Griffin basically just beat him up for three rounds. So sad. I think Franklin's time may have come and gone. He looked like he was exhausted during that whole fight. Didn't do very much damage, but did an AMAZING job defending from the ground the entire first round. Try as he might, Griffin just could NOT do anything that entire five minutes. They're both great guys, though, so I wasn't too sad to see Griffin win.

Silva. Belfort. Silva. Belfort. Silva. Belfort. First of all. Silva walks out with his son and then gives a hug to all his trainers, another fighter in the crowd (I believe it was Shogun, but I didn't catch that whole exchange so I can't say for sure), and then...get this...Steven Segal. But doesn't do anything to acknowledge his boy by his side. So...why was he there? Brownie points? Anywhoo. They get in the ring, dance around for about a minute and a half. Then...Silva comes out with this front leg kick...goes right between Belfort's hands...and bam! Right to the chin. And, almost in slow-motion, Belfort goes down, semi-conscious and one punch later, the ref calls it. Silva won the fight. I wanted to vomit. In a press conference after the fight, Silva credited Steven Segal for teaching him that move. That kind of a kick is meant to create distance, not to knock someone out and honestly, not being a sore loser here, but I honetly believe that Silva got lucky and did not intend to knock him out with that kick. Because even when Belfort went down, Silva paused like he was ready for him to bounce back up to his feet. When he realized that he really was down-down, he went in for that last punch. So...Belfort, rather disappointed in you. You've got a lot of rebuilding to do. And Silva...Start training for the GSP fight. And GSP, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE handle this ish for me. Ok? Merci!

Well we are watching the Lakers play the Celtics right now and Jordan's famous cornish game hens are ready for my gastronomical pleasure (first real meal since I've been sick. So exciting.). So with that, I must leave you.

PS. I heard Mark Sanchez (of the Jets, to specify for all you non-football people like me out there) is dating a seventeen-year-old in Jersey. I didn't even know that was legal. But apparently it is in Jersey and New York. I wonder if she's going to invite him to prom...

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